Trust.

Tonight, I want to tell you about a few lessons I'm learning on trust.

The first is about me giving up fighting in my own strength and trusting the Lord to take care of me when I focus on what He is asking me to do:

The past few weeks I have been working to get fully funded before arriving back to the states.  I wanted to have all of my expenses taken care of so I could focus on sharing stories of the kids, getting them sponsors, and just having that pressure off so I could to spend my month with family and friends worry-free.

Well, after doing everything I could think of, I was just barely over having half of my funding.  I was reconciled to the fact that I was going to have to spend my month in the states fundraising.

Then God asked me to trust Him.

To give up trying to fundraise for myself.

He challenged me to take care of my kids and fully trust Him to take care of me.

After battling for a couple of days, I finally gave in and instead of making another push for my funding, posted about Theo needing someone to sponsor his school fees and decided to carry on with my plan of working to get my kids sponsored while in the states - fully funded or not.

The next day I got a message saying that a family wants to cover the rest of my personal support for my next 6 months!  Once again, as soon as I gave up trying on my own, God showed up in a big way.  He brought me the same amount I had to fight for weeks to get in a matter of minutes and I had to do nothing.

This week God taught me yet again (you think I would have learned by now!) that when I do what He is asking of me, He will supply all I need to do it.  All I need to do is trust that He can and will do it without my help ;)

The second lesson I learned through being on the other side:

In less than 36 hours I will be on a plane headed to America and won't be back for a month.  Today, we had that translated to Lily and Molly to prepare them.

At first, they just nodded and Lily repeated it back to me using sign - I am staying, Nikki is staying, you are going, you are coming back.  I nodded and then we went back to our day.

A few hours later, Molly suddenly burst into tears (she doesn't do well with goodbyes).  I held her in my arms and kept repeating that I would be coming back soon.  I'm not leaving forever, just for a little while.  It took her a while to calm down but she finally did and I sent her off for her bath.

A little later, Lily did the same thing only she kept repeating everything to me again over and over again and then pointing to Sarah's picture on the wall (Sarah fostered these kids with Nikki before I came and had to go back to Canada although she still calls frequently and is a huge part of the kid's lives).  Then I realized - she thinks I'm going and not coming back or at least not coming back for a while.  I repeated over and over again that is was a different situation and I will come back quickly - only to see her point to the picture again.

While Sarah explained to her before she left that she wouldn't be coming back (at least not right away), Lily has still been left so many times without explanation by others, she thinks I may not come back - even though I say I will.  I want her to understand so badly that I would never lie to her.

I want her to trust me.

The same way my Father wants me to trust Him to take care of my girls and help them to understand.  Because He loves them even more than I do.

So even though it's hard, I'm going to explain to my girls as best I can and then leave them, the ones we can't explain to, and the ones who won't know I'm leaving till I'm gone in Nikki's loving hands and more importantly, the hands of the One who created them and sent Nikki and I here to care for them.

Which brings me to my third lesson - trusting the Lord's plan for this next month:

As I think about leaving, I don't quite know what to feel as I am so conflicted.

I am very excited to go home.  I miss my family and friends terribly and while I hate to admit it, I could use a break.  I can't wait to catch up with everyone, hear about all the things I missed, and just enjoy the company of all the people that make up my family back in the states.

I am also looking forward to sharing stories, pictures, and videos of my kids and being able to tell those who are supporting me in person how much of a difference they are making in the lives of these kids.

Yes, I am ready for some time off to spend with those I love.

Yet at the same time just thinking about saying goodbye to my kids is killing me already.  Just the thought of not being able to fall asleep and wake up snuggled between Lily and Cedar is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Then there are all the things I will miss while I'm gone:  Theo's CI surgery and turn on, Chloe and Charlotte joining our family, Theo starting school, Nolan starting school, milestones as the kids learn new things, and who knows what else!

Well, there is Someone who knows every single little thing I will miss and He knew it all before He set the dates for me to be here and when to return.  He has a plan in all of this and I need to just (here's that word again), trust Him.

His timing and His plans are perfect.  He has a season for me to be here and a season for me to be in the U.S.  Right now it is time for me to be here and to pour out all I have to my kids.  In a day and a half it will be time for me to get on a plane and then pour out all I have to those back in my other home.  And on June 19th it will be time for me to return to my beautiful India and precious kiddos.

Each time will be hard for different reasons, but they will all be good because I will be exactly where God wants me to be in His perfect plan.

Through every season, I simply need to TRUST Him.