Valentine's day. The day everyone either loves or hates. The day of the year when the internet is flooded with lovey-dovey messages and pictures by the couples, and either angry, frustrated, Valentine hating posts or I-don't-care-cause-I-don't-need-a-man ones by those that are single. Most made to either incite pity or hide behind a tough and/or flippant exterior.
For me, Valentine's day has always been just another day. Sometimes my mom, sisters, and I dress in red and pink and eat chocolate, but besides that I haven't given the day much thought since the elementary school days of giving out those little character valentines to everyone I knew (mine were usually Disney princesses of course!) and eating too many boxes of those horrible tasting heart shaped candies!
I have spent every Valentine's day of my life single and although I've always had a desire to get married some day, being single has never been harder on this day than any other.
Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of struggles with singleness - they just haven't been limited to one day a year! The fact that I'm writing this post today is just a coincidence I decided to capitalize on. :)
Two and half months ago being single got harder than it has ever been before. I moved to the other side of the world by myself to foster 7 children with special needs and now (spoiler alert!) I don't know when (if ever) I'll be moving back to the states (more on that later - it needs its own post...). Not exactly the best way to put myself in the path of men - or attract them - or keep them! Most people would agree I've given up my chances of getting married - at least any time soon.
That may be true and while some days it's harder to swallow than others, I know (although sometimes I have to remind myself) that if marriage is God's will for me, He'll work it out. My job is to go where He has called me and right now, for however long He desires, that is right here, in Hyderabad, India being a mom to 7 of the most beautiful children in the world. If He wants me to get married (which I hope He does!), it will all fit in perfectly with the rest of His plan for me. As long as I'm where He's called me, I don't have to worry about anything else. I just need to leave it in His hands.
It's so simple, yet one of the hardest things in the world.
While I'd like to pretend I've got it all together and am completely surrendered to the Lord in this area, if I'm honest with you, I don't. I'm closer than I used to be though. Slowly but surely, as God speaks these truths into my life, I'm giving Him a little more and a little more. With each little piece I give over, He gives me a little more peace in return. What is there to worry when instead of trying to navigate this crazy world on my own, I let the Creator of the universe do it for me?! With Him in control of planning and working it all together, I'm free to focus on what's in front of me and the work He has for me each day here. I don't have to worry about my future - He's got it!
Most days now I am able to rest in that. Other days, I start to wonder, will I ever get married? Will I be single the rest of my life? Will I always be in India? Will I ever finish college? Will I ever have children of my own? What does my future hold?!
I could drive myself crazy with questions, as I'm sure we all could, but that is exactly the burden our Father wants to take off our shoulders. He is ready and willing to carry it. What weighs us down is nothing to Him and it is only when we hand over our worries and fears that we are truly able to focus on what He has for us each day and serve Him with all of ourselves, not just a distracted part.
This morning I decided to take action before Satan could start attacking me with discontent. I prayed that today, instead of lamenting the fact that I'm single, my focus would be on the Lord and the people He has surrounded me with today. That I would pour into them with everything I have and not worry about tomorrow. I prayed that He would take all my questions, carry them far away, and give me peace. I prayed that He would fill me with His love for my kids.
And you know what? Today was a great day!
The staff and all of us volunteers had a beautiful time of prayer for SCH, the kids, and everyone involved, I had a wonderful, productive day with my kids doing therapy and school in new creative ways, and enjoyed having some time to just be with them. If that weren't enough, when they went to bed tonight, Cedar fell asleep in my arms and Lily came in close, put her arms around me and covered my face in kisses. What could have been a not so great day turned out to be the best Valentine's day I've ever had.
God definitely answered my prayers and because of my Heavenly Valentine, my heart was full to the brim today.
Tomorrow the worries and questions may come back but for today, right now, I am at peace, I am blessed, and I am incredibly happy!
May you all have a blessed Valentine's day filled with love and joy wherever God has called you right now.
It's so simple, yet one of the hardest things in the world.
While I'd like to pretend I've got it all together and am completely surrendered to the Lord in this area, if I'm honest with you, I don't. I'm closer than I used to be though. Slowly but surely, as God speaks these truths into my life, I'm giving Him a little more and a little more. With each little piece I give over, He gives me a little more peace in return. What is there to worry when instead of trying to navigate this crazy world on my own, I let the Creator of the universe do it for me?! With Him in control of planning and working it all together, I'm free to focus on what's in front of me and the work He has for me each day here. I don't have to worry about my future - He's got it!
Most days now I am able to rest in that. Other days, I start to wonder, will I ever get married? Will I be single the rest of my life? Will I always be in India? Will I ever finish college? Will I ever have children of my own? What does my future hold?!
I could drive myself crazy with questions, as I'm sure we all could, but that is exactly the burden our Father wants to take off our shoulders. He is ready and willing to carry it. What weighs us down is nothing to Him and it is only when we hand over our worries and fears that we are truly able to focus on what He has for us each day and serve Him with all of ourselves, not just a distracted part.
This morning I decided to take action before Satan could start attacking me with discontent. I prayed that today, instead of lamenting the fact that I'm single, my focus would be on the Lord and the people He has surrounded me with today. That I would pour into them with everything I have and not worry about tomorrow. I prayed that He would take all my questions, carry them far away, and give me peace. I prayed that He would fill me with His love for my kids.
And you know what? Today was a great day!
The staff and all of us volunteers had a beautiful time of prayer for SCH, the kids, and everyone involved, I had a wonderful, productive day with my kids doing therapy and school in new creative ways, and enjoyed having some time to just be with them. If that weren't enough, when they went to bed tonight, Cedar fell asleep in my arms and Lily came in close, put her arms around me and covered my face in kisses. What could have been a not so great day turned out to be the best Valentine's day I've ever had.
God definitely answered my prayers and because of my Heavenly Valentine, my heart was full to the brim today.
Tomorrow the worries and questions may come back but for today, right now, I am at peace, I am blessed, and I am incredibly happy!
May you all have a blessed Valentine's day filled with love and joy wherever God has called you right now.
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