Hey it's me, Tori! I know it's been a while... I haven't forgotten about you and I hope you haven't forgotten about me!
I spent the past month in the States and the only time I had a chance to write was at 4am when I was jet-lagged... While I made a few drafts in those first few days, I was never able to fully put the things I was feeling into words. So here we are a month later and I'm back in India finally writing an update!
Well, it's more of a jumbled mix of the many things that have been rolling around in my mind the past few weeks, but we'll go with update ;)
I've been back in my Indian home for a little over a week now and things are starting to get back into their normal routine. Nikki is currently in Canada renewing her visa (prayers for her and a speedy visa would be much appreciated!) so things are a little more stressful and crazy without her and will be for the next few weeks. The bonus though is that my best friend Erin is here from Australia to help me while Nikki is gone and that has been an incredible blessing! After being alone the past 2 times Nikki has been away, it's nice to have such awesome help and company :)
I've been back in my Indian home for a little over a week now and things are starting to get back into their normal routine. Nikki is currently in Canada renewing her visa (prayers for her and a speedy visa would be much appreciated!) so things are a little more stressful and crazy without her and will be for the next few weeks. The bonus though is that my best friend Erin is here from Australia to help me while Nikki is gone and that has been an incredible blessing! After being alone the past 2 times Nikki has been away, it's nice to have such awesome help and company :)
As we celebrate the new year, I look back on 2014 and all that God has done and I'm completely blown away! December 1st marked my one year anniversary of moving to India and I have now been a mom in 2013, 2014, and 2015. 2 years ago I could have never imagined this is where I would be now! I also wouldn't have it any other way.
In case you missed it, here is the post I wrote recapping my first year in India: One Year.
I have now been back to the States twice for a month long visa break and each time it gets harder. Each time I fit in less in the place I've called home for 20 years. The divide between my Indian life and my American one gets wider. And every time I go back to California I realize that no matter what happens, things will never be the same again.
I also realize in my time there that the people who truly understand what I'm going through are few and far between. And of those people, none of them are my close friends and family who understand and know me as a person. The people closest to me try to understand but can't. They maybe could to an extent but I make it hard for them to do so. I'm really new to this whole thing and I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. I don't have a ton of insight to give to those who are doing their best to understand me.
But many of you are trying so it's about time I tried too.
Over the past year I've come across two blog posts that have really resonated with me and explain what I'm feeling better than I ever could so I'm going to share them with you in the attempt to give you some insight into the strange thing that is my mind!
The first is an illustration of what it is like going back and forth between two cultures and the change that happens: I Am a Triangle. I have only been here for a year but I have already seen this happen to me in many ways and I know it will only grow the longer I'm here.
The second is along the same lines but deals more with the question of where home is and what home means: Why Missionaries Can Never Go Home Again. This one especially resonated with me this past visit to the States.
India has become home for me now but California will always be my home too. I feel like I have 2 homes but at the same time, none.
It's hard for me when I go back to the US and people say things like, "Aren't you so happy to be home?" I really truly am happy to be back, but what most people don't understand is the fact that I also just left another home. I miss that home just as much as I miss this one when I'm there. It isn't so black and white for me anymore.
But one thing the Lord has reminded me of this month is that I won't ever truly be home anywhere on Earth anyway. My home is in heaven. So is yours. We are all just passing through. Every one of us is a missionary to a foreign land. And we can all look forward to the day we will be home for good.
So no matter which "home" I'm at, I can take comfort in the fact that one day I will truly get to go home. And until that day comes I can rest in knowing that my God in California is the same One who is here with me in India. When all else changes, He remains the same.
So what's next for me? I honestly have no idea. I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm right where God wants me and that's where I'll stay. One day it may change and then I'll follow Him wherever He leads next. But for now, God has called me to India to work with SCH and be a mom to the 11 most incredible kids in the world.
It may not always be easy, but it is always good. I wouldn't change a thing.
I also want to take a moment to thank everyone who showered me with donations, support, and encouragement this past month. My time back in the states was truly blessed and I am so grateful to all of you who contributed to making December a month of many beautiful moments. You make it so hard to say goodbye. Thank you.
So no matter which "home" I'm at, I can take comfort in the fact that one day I will truly get to go home. And until that day comes I can rest in knowing that my God in California is the same One who is here with me in India. When all else changes, He remains the same.
So what's next for me? I honestly have no idea. I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm right where God wants me and that's where I'll stay. One day it may change and then I'll follow Him wherever He leads next. But for now, God has called me to India to work with SCH and be a mom to the 11 most incredible kids in the world.
It may not always be easy, but it is always good. I wouldn't change a thing.
I also want to take a moment to thank everyone who showered me with donations, support, and encouragement this past month. My time back in the states was truly blessed and I am so grateful to all of you who contributed to making December a month of many beautiful moments. You make it so hard to say goodbye. Thank you.
Blessings to you Sister Tori!
ReplyDeleteYou are correct - this is not our home! And You are blessed for being the hands and feet of Christ. Christ came to "this world" this planet that He created and was never welcomed or at home. We here in America are so fortunate and yet so hindered at the same time. Many of us (even some of us as Christian's) serve the gods of comfort and possessions, working so hard to make this "home" as comfortable as possible, all the while losing sight of its impermanence. So busy that we keep forgetting the Heavenly, Never willing (or too afraid) to become as Kay Warren put it, "Dangerously Surrendered" as you have my Sweet Sister. I do confess I regularly struggle with the conviction of succumbing to this temptation and I pray that The Lord will bless you with a kindred spirit in the Missionary field for you to connect with. I thank our God every time I remember you and pray that our Lord Jesus Christ fills you with His perfect Peace.
God Bless You,
Dawn Imblum