"The Kid"

My favorite question to ask volunteers during their time here is who the kid is for them.

It seems that everyone who comes through SCH has that one kid who touches their heart in a special way and who God uses to impact them the most.

Even as foster moms we typically have one kid who holds a special place in our hearts.  Usually that child is the reason we came back to foster.  Not a child we love more than our other children, but one we have a special relationship with.

For some time now, Cedar has been my special one.  He's my boy.  Brianna has now joined the ranks and those two I have a very unique and special relationship with.

On my first trip to India though, before I met Cedar and before Brianna was even born, God brought me the kid.  The first one.  The one God used to teach me incredible things about Himself.  The one who brought me back.

Her name was Jasmine.

I just found the blog post I wrote the week I met Jasmine.  I think these words from over 2 years ago say it all:

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"We completed the first phase of our clothing project on Tuesday, so on Wednesday we were assigned one of the children in the homes to work with for the rest of the week.

 

The little girl that I got paired with, Jasmine, is blind and also has some learning disabilities.  She can walk a little with help, but not for very long and she doesn't speak yet.

 

The physical therapist asked me to focus on helping her walk - going up and down stairs to build up her muscles and also just spending time with her and giving her the attention and love she normally wouldn't receive.

 

I asked the Lord to give me His love for this little daughter of His, took her hands, and started to help her walk.

 

When she was too tired to walk any more, I sat her down in my lap and just spent time with her.  I sang her songs, prayed over her, played with her, and told her how much Jesus loves her.

 

About an hour into our time together she still wasn't very responsive, so I kept praying.

 

Then it happened.  

 

She looked at me like she could actually see me and smiled.  A big shining smile that spoke more than a thousand words.

 

My heart exploded.

 

In that moment I felt like the barrier that had been between us came crumbling down and we became one.

 

We shared the triumphs of tackling another set of stairs, the joy of persevering and taking just a few extra steps, the beauty of praising the Lord in song, the warmth of the sun on our faces, and the exhaustion of a long day of work.

 

After lunch when I went up to her crib and said her name, she jumped up onto her knees and met me with a beaming smile and outstretched arms.

 

My heart exploded again.

 

The next morning, after she had made it up and down the hallway a couple of times, I was so proud of her I scooped her up in my arms.  She smiled one of her beautiful smiles, threw her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug I have ever received.

 

That's when I realized that my entire heart was hers.

 

God had done what I asked.  He had given me a love for her that I could never have been capable of on my own.  My eyes welled up with tears and I stood there holding my little girl tight.

 

God's little girl.

 

I got sick that afternoon and haven't been able to see her since.  My heart breaks when I think of her all alone in her little crib, waiting for me.  I can't wait to go to her again, scoop her up in my arms and let her know that I haven't forgotten about her.

 

Which makes me think of God and the love He has for me.  The desire He has to help me walk.  The joy He feels when I succeed.  The sadness when I fall.

 

I think of how many times all He has wanted to do is pick me up in His strong arms and show me that I am loved and cherished.

 

Then I thank Him over and over for loving little Jasmine through me and for giving me yet again another glimpse into the incredible and endless love He has for me.

 

 It's a love so deep that it hurts, yet a love so beautiful it's not worth trading for anything."

 

June 2013

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It has been over two years since Jasmine and I met but that day is still engraved in my mind as if it were yesterday.

Leaving her at the end of those two months was the hardest thing in the world for me but was made easier by the fact I was able to pass her off to Nikki and her friend who was fostering with her at the time, Sarah.

When I came back to foster with Nikki 4 months later I loved Jasmine just as much as before but found something I hadn't expected - she didn't need me anymore.

She had Nikki and Nikki was taking great care of her.  Nikki had taught her how to walk.  Jasmine knew Nikki and listened to her voice.

I was a stranger.

It made sense but was still a difficult reality for me to face.

I still loved Jasmine and spent tons of time with her, but things were different.  Our relationship became more and less all at once.  I was now responsible for her but she wasn't my whole life.  I had 6 other kids to look out for and love too.

And one of those 6 needed me much more than Jasmine at that point.  His name was Cedar and he and I have a pretty incredible God story too (click here for that one).

Because we have so many kids with so many needs, Nikki and I have always split the kids between us for school and therapy so we can each focus on just a few.  We both try to spend time with all of the kids but it's easier to split up their therapies this way.

Since we started fostering together Jasmine has always been "Nikki's" and it has been good that way.

Over the past month though we've been making new plans for each of the kids and kind of reevaluated who we were each working with.

We decided to move things around a little bit and now Jasmine is one of "my" six.

While I've been working with her during preschool every morning and try to spend time with her throughout the day, this past week is the first time I've consistently worked with her one-on-one in over 2 years.

I feel like I'm getting to know her all over again.  I know her on a personal level but I'm still trying to figure out the best way to teach her.  I'm attempting to make appropriate goals but I'm not exactly sure where to start.  This past week and a half has been mostly spent just feeling each other out and figuring out what works and what doesn't.

In a lot of ways she hasn't changed much in the past two years.  She's still the silly, goofy, stubborn, crazy, spirited little nut she's always been.

This week though I've noticed some little ways she has changed that I hadn't realized before.  She has grown and, while her progress is slow and tedious, she has progressed.  A lot.  I'm loving being able to see that in her more clearly.

Jasmine now walks everywhere with her guide cane and is quite good at it.  She follows the sound of our voices to find her way really well.  She also seems to have a great idea of the layout of the house and I think could definitely find her way on her own if she wanted to.

She sits and participates in activities now and has a much longer attention span than she used to.

Instead of screaming and fighting, she will now allow me to do activities, hand motions to songs, and signs hand-over-hand with her.

I know there is so much in that head of hers, she's just too stubborn to let us reach it.  So often I can tell that she knows exactly what I'm asking her do but she'll refuse.  Or do the opposite and giggle to herself!

One day she'll do something completely on her own, then the next I can't even get her to do it with prompting.

I think one day it will just click and she'll take off in ways we never would have expected.  I know it will take time though so for now we'll keep plugging away, laying the foundation, and praying for a breakthrough.

Working with Jasmine can be frustrating sometimes and takes more patience than it does to work with most of my other kids combined, but I love it.  It's tedious and seeing progress is hard because it's so slow but it is also very rewarding.

Some days the two of us just lose it and spend 15 minutes goofing off and laughing when we're supposed to be working.  We have tickle fights between exercises and silly dance parties between activities.

Jasmine is so full of life and energy it's contagious.

She has impacted my life in more ways than I can count.

God has used her to teach me so much about Himself and also about myself.

He used her to bring me back to India.

And He also used her to plant the seeds that have now bloomed into a deep desire to spend my life working with children who are blind and visually impaired.

Jasmine is the kid who changed the course of my life.

I wouldn't be who I am today without her.

The sound of her laugh to this day fills me with such love and joy.

And she still gives the best hugs in the whole world.

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