I have been putting off writing this for some time now. I'm not even sure why. Maybe writing it all down makes it too real and I'm not ready for that. Maybe I'm scared. Scared of what people will think. Scared that I won't express myself clearly. Scared of what the future holds. Maybe it's a little bit of each of those things...
No matter the reason, I have put it off for too long so here it goes...
No matter the reason, I have put it off for too long so here it goes...
When I arrived in India on December 3rd, my plan was to be here until May 15th and then see what God had next for me back home. I had a little thought in the back of my mind that those 6 months would turn into a full year but I didn't want to think about it. Leaving was hard enough without thinking of staying away longer...
As my time here went on, I started to get the feeling that this was only the beginning and God was leading me towards moving here without an end date. I told myself and those close to me that I was "praying about it" but in reality I wasn't. I didn't want to confront the question because deep down I knew what the answer would be. And it scared me.
A lot.
A lot.
When I finally got together the courage to truly pray about it, the answer came quick and clear - He wanted me to stay. While I wasn't at all surprised and had already practically reconciled myself to the fact, I still didn't tell anyone for a while because at least then it didn't seem quite so real.
Now don't misunderstand me. Living in India wasn't the hard part about the decision. I am very content here. The hard part to swallow was (and still is) not being home. Not being a part of everything that is going on in my friends and family's lives. Feeling disconnected and distant from all that I have previously known. Not knowing at all what the future holds. These are the hardest things.
Yet, somewhere along the line, this became home too and leaving here would be just as hard. As silly as it may sound to some of you, these are my kids. They really are. I love them like I've never loved before. I love them with a mother's love and for all intents and purposes, they are my children. Mom and Dad, I know it came quickly but you're grandparents now - don't try to fight it! ;)
I couldn't bear the thought of saying goodbye to them now.
Having two homes is not easy but it is so much better than having never had these 8 beautiful lives as a part of mine.
I'm sure to most people looking on, my life seems a little strange... I am 19 years old and the mother of 8 special needs kids. I share my bedroom with 6 of those kids and my co-foster mom, Nikki. I am also a PT, OT, teacher, and often, nurse. I braid my hair every day, wear ankle chains with bells on them, take bucket showers, speak a weird hybrid of English and Telugu, drink chai twice a day, eat excessive amounts of rice and curries, and I've also never been more full of joy and peace in my life. I am exactly where God wants me, doing what He created me to do and I wouldn't have it any other way!
There are definitely some days when I am exhausted and feel like I can't go on, and others when I'm tempted to just give up. Sometimes I feel so inadequate and wonder how foolish I must look. Some days I just need some alone time and want to lock myself in the bathroom! ;) Life here isn't easy and I still have struggles but it's so worth it!
God has been continually growing and stretching me in ways I never expected since I moved to India. I am continually pulled out of my comfort zone in just about every area. I feel like daily something comes up that forces me out of a comfort zone I didn't even know I had! Every time though, it makes me pull closer into the arms of my Savior who gives me the strength to press on.
With all that said, I still haven't really gotten to the point of this post!
While I really don't know what the future holds, here is what I do know:
I will be arriving back in California on May 15th as planned. While leaving will be hard, I'm excited to see my family and friends and take a little time off.
I will stay there for a little over a month and then will be returning to India somewhere around the 20th of June.
I don't know when my time in India will end. I will still have to leave the country every 6 months because of my visa, but then after a short visit home I will keep returning to my other home, here, until God tells me to stop!
To cover my costs of a round trip plane flight every 6 months, rent, food, supplies, outings for the kids, etc., I need to raise $1000 a month. If you would like to support me financially or learn more, you can go to my support page by clicking here. While I would love to eventually be fully funded by monthly sponsors, one time gifts are also great to give me a jump start! Any gift you are able to give would be much appreciated - no amount is too small to make a difference. *Please note: if I met you through SCH, please continue to direct any funds you wish to give towards the kids and not my personal expenses. Thank you!*
I am so grateful for your prayers. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to do what I am and your prayers are much appreciated. Please also keep my children in your prayers as they continue overcoming obstacle after obstacle that has been placed in their way.
I am beyond blessed. Thank you for reading this and for your support!
Now don't misunderstand me. Living in India wasn't the hard part about the decision. I am very content here. The hard part to swallow was (and still is) not being home. Not being a part of everything that is going on in my friends and family's lives. Feeling disconnected and distant from all that I have previously known. Not knowing at all what the future holds. These are the hardest things.
Yet, somewhere along the line, this became home too and leaving here would be just as hard. As silly as it may sound to some of you, these are my kids. They really are. I love them like I've never loved before. I love them with a mother's love and for all intents and purposes, they are my children. Mom and Dad, I know it came quickly but you're grandparents now - don't try to fight it! ;)
I couldn't bear the thought of saying goodbye to them now.
Having two homes is not easy but it is so much better than having never had these 8 beautiful lives as a part of mine.
I'm sure to most people looking on, my life seems a little strange... I am 19 years old and the mother of 8 special needs kids. I share my bedroom with 6 of those kids and my co-foster mom, Nikki. I am also a PT, OT, teacher, and often, nurse. I braid my hair every day, wear ankle chains with bells on them, take bucket showers, speak a weird hybrid of English and Telugu, drink chai twice a day, eat excessive amounts of rice and curries, and I've also never been more full of joy and peace in my life. I am exactly where God wants me, doing what He created me to do and I wouldn't have it any other way!
There are definitely some days when I am exhausted and feel like I can't go on, and others when I'm tempted to just give up. Sometimes I feel so inadequate and wonder how foolish I must look. Some days I just need some alone time and want to lock myself in the bathroom! ;) Life here isn't easy and I still have struggles but it's so worth it!
God has been continually growing and stretching me in ways I never expected since I moved to India. I am continually pulled out of my comfort zone in just about every area. I feel like daily something comes up that forces me out of a comfort zone I didn't even know I had! Every time though, it makes me pull closer into the arms of my Savior who gives me the strength to press on.
With all that said, I still haven't really gotten to the point of this post!
While I really don't know what the future holds, here is what I do know:
I will be arriving back in California on May 15th as planned. While leaving will be hard, I'm excited to see my family and friends and take a little time off.
I will stay there for a little over a month and then will be returning to India somewhere around the 20th of June.
I don't know when my time in India will end. I will still have to leave the country every 6 months because of my visa, but then after a short visit home I will keep returning to my other home, here, until God tells me to stop!
To cover my costs of a round trip plane flight every 6 months, rent, food, supplies, outings for the kids, etc., I need to raise $1000 a month. If you would like to support me financially or learn more, you can go to my support page by clicking here. While I would love to eventually be fully funded by monthly sponsors, one time gifts are also great to give me a jump start! Any gift you are able to give would be much appreciated - no amount is too small to make a difference. *Please note: if I met you through SCH, please continue to direct any funds you wish to give towards the kids and not my personal expenses. Thank you!*
I am so grateful for your prayers. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to do what I am and your prayers are much appreciated. Please also keep my children in your prayers as they continue overcoming obstacle after obstacle that has been placed in their way.
I am beyond blessed. Thank you for reading this and for your support!
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